I am out of school. I have three and half months away from teachers, professors, students, conducting, homework, and classrooms. Hallelujah! Finally! Also, I am officially a college junior. That is weird. I have been in college for two full years. Talk about weird. I remember my first day, mainly cause I cried a lot and spent the rest of the time calling every friend from home that I could to talk to. I was lonely. Not much has changed, although I don't cry as much. Now I just rant and rave and scream and whine. Big difference. Actually, there is- people prefer the crying.

But in any matter, I am now at home, sitting in my room, my laptop on my lap, no noise or people, and nothing to really do until 5 which is when I'll leave for work. It's nice. For now. In about a week, I'm gonna be griping again about being bored. However, I shouldn't be too bored. I have some stuff planned to keep me busy. Also, my friend's will be out of school soon, so maybe they can hang out during the day some. Maybe.

I have a realization to tell. I am alone. Yes, alone. Before you fly off at me, listen (or read) first. Let me define alone. I have no home church anymore, no Bible study group, no place of spiritual shelter, and no mentor. I have a "twin brother" whom I love more than myself, a few extremely close friends that I love with all my heart, and I have some more friends that are somewhat close that I also love. I don't have that great of a relationship with my family- we're very distant and the distance keeps growing. I also don't have a significant other. Now, with this in mind, let me say again that I am alone. Spiritually, that is. Physically, I have more people around me than might be good for me. Emotionally, I have my close friends. Mentally, I have people all around me to help. But spiritually, I am alone. With God. And that is a realization.

I was always told about the fellowship of believers, the "church", that would mean that no one was ever alone. However, I don't have that. I don't have that "fellowship" anymore. Even when I did, I never fit in. I was always out of place. So I've left that church. KHBC. This leaves me alone. And at first, I thought I needed to find a church as soon as I could. I needed the fellowship! However, everywhere I went, I never felt in place and I never felt God telling me to stay there. In fact, one Sunday last spring, I was about to go into a church when God told me to leave. Yes, leave. I was outside the door and I stopped. God sas telling me to go back and read my Bible. I thought He just meant this one Sunday. But after that Sunday I always felt more out of place going into church. And then I got this job that was having me work Sunday mornings. Church was out. And you know what? It was fine. I started doing my own private Bible Study, praying all the time, talking to God- it was fine. I was supposed to be alone. However, no one else realized this. Everyone told me I needed to go to church. Maybe I should go, I thought. This didn't go over well.

Long story short, I am alone. I am supposed to be alone. And I am going to embrace this. However, to appease me and everyone else, God is allowing me to go to Main Event (the youth group at Tj's church) over the summer. I have the money and the capability. We'll see how it goes. Although, people will still find fault in it. They tend to do that.

In God,

~Mitchell

When you talk to God- I mean, REALLY talk to Him like He's really there and not just some being taking up requests for consideration- life seems a lot better. Whodathunkit?

Also, whodathunkit that I would actually make a good busboy? Or that I could actually sing off key yet in pitch with someone else and not be bothered by it at all- but instead, have it remind me why I love music?

And whodathunkit that a family not my own could love me so much as to start to confuse me with their own? That's my favorite.

All in all, this semester has been grueling. Emotionally and Spiritually. Physically, yes, as well, but that has not been a major issue. Emotionally and Spiritually, I am running ragged. I am falling into stupid thoughts and problems too easily as of late and I believe it's because I am fatigued. I don't need to stop, no. Heavens, no, that just makes thinkgs worse. But, I do need to pump myself up with something to sustain me. Like God. Seems like He would work well in this situation.

I'll try it and see how it goes. Might as well give it a shot.

One more week of school. Six days. God is the only way I'll make it. And I mean, the ONLY WAY. At least, the only way as far as not killing anyone or anything. People frown upon that. Unless you're Sweeney Todd. In which case, just sing something about Joanna and you will not only be able to kill people anytime you want (and even sell the bodies in pies), but also you will have millions of fans and millions of dollars and, the best part, be able to sing Stephen Sondheim whenever you want. That's the main reason right there that I would do it. That and the slicing people open part of the deal.

Hmm, this blog ended on a bad note. We'll try this. "Agony! That can cut like a knife!" I mean, uh... "Joanna! I can feel you!"

Oh... wrong...

~Mitchell